How hard is it when someone asks you to do something and you do it because you don’t want to let either them or yourself down? What has been asked of you makes you want to throw your toys out of the pram and to leg it out of the room, to just get the hell out of there.
Tonight I was invited to have a bit of a drum with my partner. I was delighted – I’ve missed drum class for the last two weeks and I’d missed it. My djembe was taken from its case and I sat noodling when suddenly the goal-posts moved, and in a way which left me reeling. I was instructed to take the rhythm and to remove elements to fit in with the main rhythm. A relatively straightforward request you’d think, but I like playing the groove, doing some soloing with the rest of the group and all to the rhythm as we are taught it. No variations (beyond a little mucking around in class).
My reaction? After a frustrating and hormonal day – I wanted to put my drum down and get out of there. Walk away. Why should I have to do something which demanded so much more than I felt capable of? How dare he? You can’t do that – you’re incapable of such imaginative drummings. You’ll do it and be SO shit you’ll just embarrass yourself, and you’ll look a complete idiot in front of someone whose opinion you value.
Who was speaking? Top Dog. Little rat crept in and took advantage of me. I was so upset I sat and stared at my drum, wanting to run, but wanting to stay and show someone, maybe even me, that I wasn’t as rubbish as I was telling myself. I felt like a petulant child. Probably looked like one too.
What did I do? I listened to D drumming and joined in – with the set groove – but joined in because I wanted to drum. He invited me to play – I did so tentatively and still somewhat stubbornly. I was so tight with tension it was a wonder any regular beat was discernible – my frustration from not running began to abate as I struck the drum with my hands. My drum is so familiar to me; the feel of it between my knees and under my hands has a way of taking me out of myself, and when it starts to vibrate with sound it comes to life, taking me with it.
Still wrestling with Top Dog I grabbed some percussion and shook it and rattled it in my attempt to do it my way (I hate being told what to do). I returned to my djembe feeling calmer and started to play the game. It hadn’t felt less like play for a long time, but I did it in a fashion.
Why was I asked to do this? It was a graphic way for me to experience the extreme discomfort you may be feeling when I ask you to do things which are outside of your comfort zone – like taking regular breaks from work. If it was within your comfort zone, you’d be doing it already – right?
How did I feel after I’d calmed down? Elated. I’d broken through something, and was praised for it – with sincerity and heart. I’ll probably be resistant next time it happens, but it will hurt less and less each time, until the day comes when it is second nature to jam with my djembe.
It may feel as though I’m asking you to jump off a cliff with some of my suggestions to you. You might want to kick and scream and listen to your Top Dog tell you that you don’t deserve to stop working – you haven’t done enough or you need to do more to earn it. I’m inviting you to move to the comfortable armchair, to sit awhile and know that each time you do it it will be easier, that you won’t get lazy and spend all your time there. You will, however, have a clearer, more rested mind to think or be receptive with.
You are reading this because you’d like to make that small, but relevant shift and care about yourself enough to take regular time out to do the things that you love doing, and those first few steps will be as hard or as easy as you make them. I’m here to help you through the seemingly painful parts and to make it as straightforward as possible.
If you’re struggling with something let me know – you will not be alone. There may be something I can suggest which would help you forward.
So come and talk to me , let me know how you are doing, and let me hold your hand while you take these first few steps. From what I can see, you are doing just fine.
There are several companies in the US which have signed up to The Energy Project whose aim is to get people actively engaged with their work. 40% are disengaged from their work, and apparently, only about 20% feel fully engaged – that’s only one in five, and there is a driving force which leads us to work more and more hours consecutively, without breaks and without leaving our desks.
